Tuesday, December 14, 2010

 

Fernandos Mamedes afinfam-se ao naco

Fontes bem informadas (eu) colocam este blog em condições de afirmar que os Fernandos Mamedes estão desde há várias eras geológicas a prestar atenção às questiúnculas, desafiambranços, baixas médicas, condenações judiciais e licenças de parto dos adversários, com vista à integração no seu grupo de trabalho de dois novos elementos com elevados índices de concretização na área de rigor.

Como será conhecimento dos mais atentos às movimentações e sinergias estabelecidas no seio da equipa Mamedina, esta nunca contou com um sexto elemento fixo nas costas da linha defensiva contrária, optando ao invés por fazer rodar vários atletas, derivado às provas já dadas por estes em amigáveis e pré-estágios — e traduzindo em campo os panachés e baguetes de frango que costumam partilhar entre si, bem como mails engraçados com powerpoints de ovelhas malabaristas que dão de mamar a gatinhos e cãezinhos que afinal até se conseguem dar bem entre si se crescerem juntos.

Esta estratégia de basculamento quizístico foi considerada bem sucedida por fonte directiva bem colocada na mesa Mamédica (eu), que afirmou "não, quer dizer, para mim isto é nomeadamente assim:
  • O Alex é o Cardozo dos Mamedes, uma espécie de falso lento que só responde com o hemisfério esquerdo do cérebro e acerta que se farta
  • A Sofia é o Maxi Pereira (sem a verruga), ríspida nos lances e sempre pronta a subir no terreno, mas facilmente irritável
  • O Paulo é o Fábio Coentrão, normalmente ocupado a defender atrás mas sempre disponível para fazer arrancadas nas perguntas de desporto e geografia
  • O Pedro é o Javi Garcia, já que não se dá por ele, mas fornece coesão à equipa e quando arrisca ser feliz consegue o tento
  • Eu, vá, posso ser o Carlos Martins, uma espécie de trauliteiro que joga em todas as posições e às vezes distribui jogo, mas passa a maior parte do jogo a mandar vir com o árbitro e depois vinga-se estoirando respostas de ciência e nerdalhice do meio campo".
Instado a revelar algo minimamente relacionado com a notícia em causa, a mesma fonte completou com um fraquinho "o jogador rotativo era uma espécie de Ruben Amorim, um polivalente das camadas de formação que sempre que entra ajuda os colegas, trabalhando para o colectivo".

O desmembramento e consequente esfrangalhanço (acompanhado de rotura e desintegração) de algumas alianças do panorama quízico-desportivo nacional levou os Mamedes a reequacionar o seu posicionamento. Efectivamente, a salutar, nobre e desinteressada competitividade Mamedística, conhecida por não permitir aos seus membros desejar mais do que doenças graves aos adversários (e normalmente curáveis) levou a que a respectiva SAD perspectivasse preocupadamente a perspectiva ponderosa e parcialmente pesarosa de ver os mais directos adversários arregimentar valiosos elementos que, por motivos vários, sentiam que as bifanas sabiam melhor do outro lado da Academia (principalmente os Zbroing 747, equipa apreciada pela sua eficaz tradução em campo dos melhores preceitos éticos do Leisure Suit Larry, e os Ordem da Fónix, que apostam mais no Tetris e no Toque-e-Fica).

Felizmente para os Fernandos Mamedes, a sua mística ímpar e uma eficaz rede de olheiros espalhados pelos vários espaços de quiz e/ou desavergonhice da capital garantiram-lhes contactos preferenciais com conhecidos pontas de lança do campeonato da Ajuda: multiplicaram-se assim os insistentes pedidos de joelhos de atletas provenientes de outras formações, que incluiram promessas de não tocar nos flocos de neve e aqueles salgadinhos compridos que parecem paus de mikado, ofertas de boleia para levar o Paulo ao Bairro Alto às três da manhã durante a semana, garantias de risotas alarves sempre que o Jorge (eu) achar que mandou uma piada especialmente boa e até razoável — e, mais importante, garantias de chegar a horas para fazer a parte escrita com o Alex enquanto o resto da equipa está semi-empanada no túnel do Marquês a descobrir que um carro não tem cinco mudanças na marcha-atrás.

Na realidade Mamedificante, a já referida rotatividade do sexto elemento conjuga-se com um outro abandono na modalidade, que em muito empobrecerá o panorama visual das noites na Ajuda: efectivamente, perspectiva-se a transferência da musa Mamedonísta Sofia Santos para o milionário campeonato norte-americano (onde irá também fazer um post-doc por razões humanitárias). Perante este cenário, os responsáveis do clube do eixo IST-ISEG decidiram apostar forte no mercado de Inverno, para inverter uma possível fragilização do seu onze, que ficaria reduzido a quatro.

Assim, este blog está em condições de anunciar que, mal o campeonato presente termine, dois novos elementos dois serão integrados nas hostes Mamedólicas, provenientes das melhores ganadarias culturais e colmatando algumas falhas no acervo de conhecimento da equipa — já de si amplo, vasto, panorâmico, geral, amplo, robusto, titânico, abrangente, eclético, completo, unificador, universal e também universalista, irrestrito, extenso, dilatado, largo, comprido, alto, elevado, rotundo, gordo, e em geral grande.

Instado a pronunciar-se, um elemento técnico com ligações à equipa Mamedófila (eu) recusou-se a avançar de imediato os nomes dos futuros atletas da agremiação, invocando a elevada estrutura moral da equipa, fortes princípios éticos norteadores da sua acção e inabaláveis convicções humanas dos seus elementos: nas suas (minhas) palavras, "não é assim que achamos que devemos estar no quiz".

Não obstante esta posição oficial, existem vozes dissonantes: protegidas pelo anonimato devido ao medo de represálias da omnipresente hierarquia de comando da SAD, estas confidenciaram que outro objectivo da edilidade é, segundo telex recebido de um Palm Pilot ligado a uma cabina telefónica em Lavacolhos, "semear o granel porque é fixe".

Os contactos intensivos com as fontes prosseguem, através de mensagens em código na porta direita da casa de banho masculina da Ajuda, do género "Soraia + Fanã 4ever", contra-senha "Mamo gajos bons 914606809". Assim, aguarda-se uma divulgação rápida de novas novidades em termos de notícias derivadas ao tema.

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Comments:
Quero ter o prazer de ter o primeiro comentário.

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